Dating can be tough — and it’s even tougher if you’re dating someone who’s on the controlling side. These relationships usually end up fizzling pretty quickly, and for good reason. If you’re set on telling someone what they should do, there’s usually a level of mistrust present.
It doesn’t matter if you’re dating someone who’s a little paranoid because their last relationship ended with someone cheating. Each person you date is different, and even if you have a “type,” it doesn’t mean that type is always out to get you.
Entering a new relationship with the baggage of your old relationship is a surefire way to feel heartbroken once again.
However, sometimes “rules” set up for a significant other aren’t due to mistrust. Instead, it’s to mask infidelity — and a big red flag.
You have to hear about this story of a now-ex boyfriend who gave his girlfriend a strict list of rules to follow during what was intended to be an innocent night out.
If your partner lays out any controlling dating ground rules like the ones below, it may be time to say, “thank u, next.”
The rules were revealed via text.
Since it’s in writing, it’s a good way to remember to follow them all.
Yes, that was meant to be sarcastic.
Twitter user Zoe Scholefield shared the specific tweet on her account. And when you hear what the rules are, you’ll wonder how this relationship lasted, or even thrived, in the first place.
Um, I don’t think you could pay most people to deal with a partner like this.
“Funny how my ex sent me stuff like this then has the audacity to cheat on me,” she wrote on Twitter.
The thing people often forget is cheaters always thinking everyone is cheating. In this case, you can see this boyfriend is already assuming they’re being lied to, when in reality he is being the dishonest manipulator.
The first rule was not to “dance like a slag.”
A slag is a British term for “promiscuous woman,” in case you were curious.
During a night out with friends, it’s often hard to predict how you’ll dance. Sometimes, it just comes from within.
But dancing is often something you can’t control. This already puts a hold on Sholefield’s night — she shouldn’t have to spend her time wondering what the appropriate window of sexy is.
The second was to not get too drunk.
This one makes a little more sense.
We all have nights where we drink more than we should. That, or a drink is stronger than we intend. If the boyfriend knew that Scholefield often drank over her limit and was prone to get sick, this request makes more sense.
But again, it puts a limit on what she can and can’t do when she’s out with her friends. A better request would be “try to be safe,” which — as a grown woman — Scholefield probably would have done anyway.
The third rule was “no boys.”
If anyone approached her, she needed to tell them she had a boyfriend.
Can you say insecure? This shows that Scholefield’s now-ex assumed that she was the type to cheat and lie about it.
The funny part is that while she had to tell the world about her relationship, he failed to tell other women that he was dating Scholefield. Talk about double standards.
But then the rules got even crazier.
Looking after your drink makes sense, but outlining room conditions is something else.
In rule #6, he outlines the people who are and aren’t allowed in her room. Since this is a night out with others, that means that he’s not only dictating her schedule — he’s also telling her friends what they can and can’t do.
This just makes him look more like a father chaperoning his kids than a boyfriend accepting that his girlfriend has a life outside of him. Gross.
He seriously told her she can’t go in anyone else’s room.
That’s absolutely terrifying.
Think about it. If your friend was dating someone who said their boyfriend told them they can’t leave their hotel room, what would you think?
The fact that Scholefield’s ex so casually mentioned this rule means that he’s more focused on the possibility of her cheating than the possibility of her having a fun time on this adventure.
He wants her to “be ready to explain stories.”
That means he’ll be creeping on social media the entire time she’s out.
Not only did he plan on looking at her account, but also her friends’ social media accounts as well. It’s honestly surprising that he “let her” leave the house at all with such strict rules.
Nobody can be themselves when they know that someone’s always watching. If he was so worried that Scholefield was going to cheat, he should have broken up with her based on the fact that she gave him an indication that she’d be unfaithful.
He even wanted input on her clothes.
Not only was she required to send a photo, but he wanted a photo of all angles.
Ladies, if a guy ever requests this from you, just dump him. You’re free to wear whatever you want to wear on a night out. Clothing is a way of expression, and unless it’s openly outside of a restaurant or club’s specific dress code, it’s fine.
If Scholefield abided by this rule, he would have escalated his amount of control — because he knew he could.
She even had to text him when he was asleep.
Would he get suspicious over the lack of texts when she was asleep?
The gross part is that she could have been texting him about the night and her whereabouts while he was actively cheating on her with someone else.
This guy was extra cautious about cheating signs since he, himself, knew how to avoid them — and that’s one of the most disturbing things about this story.
There’s proof that he was cheating on her during this trip.
Take a look at point #11.
He wants her to call or FaceTime him but wants some notice in advance. That means that if he had another girl in his room, he’d be able to hide her or walk away from her to make himself look innocent.
While Scholefield was expected to document her every move, this guy asked for a little bit of space before a seemingly innocent phone call. That’s messed up.
Plenty of people are telling her she should have ended it immediately after the text.
Even if she didn’t, it’s good to know he’s officially out of her life.
To further out this guy, Scholefield’s text was retweeted over 3,000 times. A lot of people had her back and told her how much better off she is.
Wow. No relationship is worth that, am I right?
Being single is 100% better than being with someone so insecure that they want to control your every move. And that’s not even including the fact that he cheated.
If a guy accuses you of cheating out of nowhere, it’s a reason to be cautious.
The List writes that this is a huge sign that he’s being unfaithful, and Scholefield proved it.
They write that this is how men deflect and avoid taking the blame for their own games. If anything, Scholefield should have been even more cautious about something happening back at home after getting this text, especially if the list was out of character for her boyfriend at the time.
Personality changes are also huge indicators that he’s cheating.
Nobody will ever need a video of the room you’re staying it.
That just reeks of paranoia. And there’s no end to it.
If this video was sent, he may ask for proof that a guy isn’t hiding under the bed.
Once a guy like this has his crazy demands met, he’ll ask for even more crazy demands — and soon, your relationship will reach a toxic level.
Surprisingly, he didn’t make any special appearances during this trip, but he was probably too busy with his other woman.
This isn’t just control — it’s abuse.
It’s important to know the difference.
He knew exactly what he was doing when he sent this. He was putting her down, making her feel like a child, and taking away any aspect of fun from this outing solely to cover his tracks.
The scary part is that this was just one text message.
We have no idea how he treated her in person, what other mind games he was playing, or how long this was going on. This user calls her “lucky” to have escaped this unhealthy and toxic relationship.
Another Twitter user pointed out something very cryptic.
Most likely he needed advance notice in case he was with another girl, or breaking his own “rules.”
What irks me the most is his inability to use basic spelling or grammar?
I mean can you imagine dating someone who can’t spell fundamental words on top of being a liar and paranoid? Not a cute combination, if you’re asking us.
We also can’t help but agree with the Twitter user who said she’ll probably see him on “the six o’clock news.”
Just remember, a good boyfriend would only send one text.
That text would read, “have a great time!”
If you get a similar list and are trying hard to make it seem valid, it’s impossible to do. Even if your boyfriend wasn’t too familiar with your friends, he’d at least know that you were smart enough to hang out with people who had your best interests at heart. And he’d know that you’re on the same page about being exclusive.
Learn from this.
Far too often this behavior can be considered “cute and caring in media and society,” according to one woman, who is absolutely correct.
Look out for your friends and point out red flags and dangerous behavior.
After reading these texts we’ve pulled some actually good rules of thumb to follow, like:
You should feel free and happy in a relationship, not like every move you make could get you in trouble. If your partner is trying to monitor what you post on social media or who you talk to, run.
It’s always your fault.
In a relationship, nothing can possibly be blamed on a single person every time. Maybe you’re late all the time and that bothers your partner? Instead of making you feel bad, you could discuss things that could get you somewhere earlier, like having him pick up the groceries or kids from school.
Sometimes you have way more on your plate than anyone can imagine.
Be an advocate.
While sharing this text might have felt funny, or a way to get back at her ex, a lot of people can and have learned what abuse looks like, in something as simple as a text.