Back when I was planning my wedding, I — naturally — looked for inspiration online. There were a few wedding-related forums that I occasionally looked at and happened to get sucked into. Judging by some of the posts, it seems like a lot of these women were focused on just the wedding. Not the marriage.
Even if their husbands-to-be started getting suspicious with their phones, or threatened them, or made them feel uncomfortable about family gatherings, it was all shoved aside. Because a wedding was in the picture. Surely the rest of those issues would resolve themselves, right?
The answer is, probably not. There’s not one specific key to a great marriage. They require constant maintenance, and attention. And they last a lot longer than a wedding. Despite the countless amounts of relationship help books, articles, and gurus, we can all still get stumped every once in a while when it comes to keeping a relationship fresh and strong — especially one that is supposed to last an entire lifetime.
A lot of it can be summarized in a classic post written by The Real Blunt Blonde.
Known offline as Jonna Miller, the blogger writes about her life as a stay-at-home mom. Her husband, who used to be Amish, adds even more excitement to her life.
“I have a husband whom I feed and water every single day and I love him with all of my heart,” she wrote in her bio.
Aren’t you all swooning already?
But, there’s one big problem. And, if you dissect their relationship and figure how they met, you might be able to figure it out more clearly.
Her husband, David, works hard.
Now, keep in mind — he did come from an Amish background. Amish people are some of the hardest workers around.
In case you were curious, the two met at a house party. “He got my phone number, asked me on a date, I said ‘What the hay, why not?’, we went on the date, got drunk as balls on Patron, he threw up out of a vehicle going 65 mph on I69 and the rest was history,” Miller snarked in another blog post.
Miller realized she was pregnant before the two officially got married.
Her now-husband proposed when she was six months along, in front of his family.
While most of them have been supportive, a lot of them didn’t show up for their big wedding day, based on having a child out of wedlock and not promising to live as a proper Amish couple. It’s a shame that not everyone in his family embraced her or their situation, but when you’ve got highly religious beliefs, sometimes that can happen.
She was also very young at the time.
Miller just turned 27, and her daughter is currently five.
That means that she became pregnant in her very early 20s. And, a lot of your expectations for motherhood and marriage at that stage are very different from where they’re at closer to your 30s. Technically, the Blunt Blonde and her husband David had a lot of strikes against them at first.
Despite that, they’ve been very happy since.
According to Miller’s Facebook page for her brand, she and David are expecting twins soon. So, congratulations are in order.
This particular story is from a few years back, when their daughter was around two.
Two is a very fun age, but it can be very exhausting — especially if you spend all day with them, as Miller chose to do. You might not realize this, but two-year-olds seem to have an endless amount of energy, and they’re big with testing limits.
Every minute you expect your husband to be home and offer some childcare relief can feel like an hour.
And that’s one of the many reasons why Miller was feeling a little neglected.
When you talk about “newlywed bliss” and the “newlywed period,” usually it’s a lot of time spent together. Now, Miller and her husband had a different arrangement, with their surprise pregnancy and all. But that doesn’t take away from the hurt feelings. That this isn’t the way married life is supposed to be.
It also seemed as if David was openly choosing work over her.
Why not spend time with the family instead?
“As if he would rather be working than spending time with me and our daughter. I become irrational. I go against my better judgment and let my mouth fly before I think,” Miller wrote. We’re all guilty of doing the same, which is one of the reasons why Miller and her Blunt Blonde brand are both so relatable.
But then, she chose to help fold his laundry.
And that’s when the truth was revealed. Miller figured out the importance of her husband’s crazy schedule.
“I took the clothes out of the dryer and threw them onto the kitchen table. I began folding, thinking ‘why does he not want to spend time with me? We’re newlyweds, aren’t we supposed to be in the honeymoon stage?’ And as these thoughts were consuming me, I now had two piles; my clothes and his clothes,” she wrote.
Then, she took a good look at each pile.
Her clothes were in pristine condition. His clothes had a bit of wear and tear to them.
Simply put, he worked hard so that she could have the nice things she wanted.
He was technically putting her first on a daily basis — she just didn’t put the pieces together until that very moment. Everything she had that made her happy was all due to the hard work she was annoyed about just minutes earlier.
Suddenly, she had a lot more appreciation for him.
And all it took was seeing things from his perspective.
“This man provides more than I deserve,” she wrote with a sense of pride. “If I tell him I want something, very seldom will he tell me no. I suddenly became overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt and shame. I couldn’t help but feel like I have failed as a wife.”
Just for the record, she didn’t fail.
That’s the beauty of marriage — you learn more about your partner daily and grow as a couple.
Aside from his clothes, his hard work was also visible on his body. His hands were dry and cracked. But, he seemed to thrive on the feeling that he could provide for his family — and that’s how he showed love and support. Nothing beats time together, but Miller realized she had a sense of security that a lot of other couples might lack.
Miller’s post resonated with a lot of people.
A lot of women have husbands who work crazy hours.
And, a lot of them feel — at times — like they’re single parents. Nowhere in Miller’s blog did she reveal that her husband wasn’t pulling his weight in regards to childcare. It just seemed like she was really lonely and on this mission by herself. Her discovery of David’s clothes was a reminder that things were still strong, even if they didn’t appear that way.
Marriage requires a lot of teamwork.
While Miller helps with their child, her husband helps in other ways.
Sometimes, we don’t necessarily love the tasks we’re given. But they’re essential in order to make sure your family is strong. And since twins are on the way for Jonna and David, it’s safe to say that the Miller family successfully found a way of making everything work out.
We hope to hear more from the Blunt Blonde soon.
Even though Miller hasn’t updated her Blunt Blonde blog in some time, she’s still making quirky videos and Facebook posts — so, moms of twins should keep a lookout for more relatable content soon. What other sage things can we learn from this sarcastic and loving wife and mother?